This is China

We have finally arrived in China. Or so they tell me.

When we left San Diego, the first airplane ride delivered us to a new city. Replete with people, bridges, bay views, tall buildings, and my favorite thing of all, elevators! How was I to know that this was not in fact China? Apparently, however, we were somewhere called San Francisco. There go the parents, messing with my head again. 

Just as I began settling into my new routine, they dragged me back to the airport. Then they proceeded to strap me down for what felt like eternity. First [Codename: Daddy] sat with me, and fed me lots of snacks. Then Mommy showed up and he disappeared. Mommy and I took a nice long nap together. When we eventually got off the plane, I couldn't believe it: elevators and escalators galore! I tell you, I've never seen anything like it. They're everywhere! This place is so much fun. 

Everything else here is just a little bit off, however. Outside of the house, Mommy and Daddy have gone mostly silent. Daddy is using strange hand gestures to communicate. I don't know how anybody understands him. But they're keeping me fed for the most part, so I'm choosing not to sweat the little things. Nothing could be bad when there's this much yummy soup around. And they even have arbuz here! (That's watermelon, for the uninitiated.) Phew. I was really worried about that one. 

I have to admit, though, that I am growing concerned about my cover. Remaining incognito is even more challenging than anticipated. The paparazzi are all over me! And while certainly it's not bad for my ego, these people won't stop touching me. I may soon need to consider dying my hair. 


Frequent Flier

This jet lag is killing me.

Things are deteriorating rather quickly over here, and I've been delayed in writing. In recent weeks I've been transported back and forth across the country. California to Massachusetts. Massachusetts to Kansas. (Kansas??) Then, finally - in the immortal words of the Notorious B.I.G - "back, back, to Cali, Cali."

I still can't believe that they tried to make me sit still the entire trip home. They fed me some line of bullshit about turbulence, and a stupid orange light with a picture of a belt on it. Mommy kept saying, "wait for the light to go off, honey." But the damn thing never went off. What a load of crap. So I figured, if they're going to restrain me, I'll give 'em hell.

At least I had the monkey along with me. He seemed to enjoy the view and provide Mommy with a welcome distraction. [Codename: Daddy] was strangely quiet the whole time, which contributed to my feeling of unease. But things did begin to look up as we approached our destination.

As it turned out, one of my sources was traveling incognito directly in front of me. Clearly, I have a lot to learn about keeping a low profile. Our encrypted dialog revealed key aspects of my upcoming mission. And together, we got a good look at the bumblebee girl hanging out a couple of rows further ahead. Such a cutie.

Reunion 2015

My horizons have been greatly expanded of late.

It began with a protracted airplane ride. Not nearly as agreeable as I had been led to anticipate, the lengthy voyage had me on edge. Long before departure - from the moment our transfer reached the airport, in fact - all eyes were upon me. For five interminable hours onboard I feared, this is it. My cover is blown! I took the only protective measures available, and obscured myself within the shelter of [Codename: Daddy’s] torso for the duration.

Despite my efforts to remain unseen, our eventual arrival was accompanied by some fanfare. Once on land, we were greeted by Mommy. She assumed the role of Chauffeur and accompanied us on the remainder of the journey. But when we reached our final destination (a confidential locale, named for a particularly delicious species of marine life that was once locally abundant) all hell broke loose. I awoke to chaos, brought upon me by a horde of alleged “cousins.”

The tribe of savages that surrounded me ranged in age from 1 to 97 ½. The following days were a whirlwind. Mealtimes were especially challenging, given the strident vocal abilities of most tribal members. But the flood of humanity to which I was subjected also provided great entertainment. It’s rare that I’m confronted by so many others with a stature similar to my own.

Now that the tides have receded, I’m able to properly take my bearings. It’s dawned on me that the place I’ve been taken to is highly dissimilar to my home. There is water falling ceaselessly from the sky. And all anybody wants to eat are crustaceans. I just don’t get it. 

Global Entry

I caught my first glimpse of the international border yesterday. 

When I was made aware of our precise location, and realized that the hills of Mexico were even visible from my seat in the vehicle, I grew eager to carry out some reconnaissance. My time has finally come, I thought. Now I will learn what a true fish taco tastes like.

But alas, it was not to be. Our morning quickly diverged from the adventure that I had in mind. Rather than sipping Tecate south of the border, the ensuing hour consisted of much twiddling of thumbs (and in an unpleasantly bureaucratic environment, no less). Good thing [Codename: Daddy] came well equipped with snacks.   

I was able to remain calm until the real weirdness began. I'm not sure how I was identified, but my name was called and things proceeded to go downhill quickly. First, the uniforms took my photograph. And then they went so far as to fingerprint me. They attempted to convince me that it was some form of recreation, but I knew better. It was only because of Daddy's presence that I let them get away with it. I don't question the chain of command.

Apparently, this was to expedite all of the air transport that will be involved in my upcoming mission. Thankfully, we're headed out on another training expedition in just a few days. This time, we're on the hunt for Welfleet oysters.

Boot Camp

As preparations for my mission continue, so does my physical conditioning. Yesterday morning [Codedame: Daddy] took me to my weekly acrobatics training session. I've grown quite skilled at somersaults, which will help me keep a low profile when quick escape becomes necessary. I've also found my center of gravity and achieved mastery of the balance beams. I still find the bars challenging, however. Must improve upper body stregnth.

We've been spending more time than usual on the bicycle. I suppose Daddy also wants to be fighting fit when we depart. Today, we rode to music class, where I've been teaching my body to properly respond to rhythm. The resulting sense of discipline will undoubtedly come in handy during deployment. But I've been informed that today was my final lesson, at least until our eventual return from Asia. 

We'll be taking advantage of the summer months to focus on my underwater competence. Also, running, climbing, and sliding; critical abilities all. As such, I anticipate increased playground time along with visits to the pool. I only hope the sun remains hidden for some time yet. I do loathe that silly hat. One of these days, I will successfully determine how to remove it.

Mission: Impossible

My parents left me to keep an eye on the Russians again this weekend. I'm still not sure I can fully trust them, but the food is good. Plus, that Anya chick is cute.

For some reason, Baba refuses to carry me around, and it's making me suspicious. I KNOW she understands when I say "up." I don't really buy this "I hurt my back" business. Unusual behavior makes me nervous, and I'm beginning to suspect there's something fishy going on here. I'm just not sure about these so-called "Grandparents." The arms of the KGB are long.

That Deda character strikes me as particularly untrustworthy. Supposedly, when he's not at home, he's working. But each time [Codename: Daddy] takes me by the office, Deda is with some mysterious "patient." I don't buy it.

I've been building my cover for a year and a half now, and 24 hours of surveillance a week has given me a pretty good handle on these folks. Yet, I can't shake the feeling that I'm missing something.

I definitely have my work cut out for me over the next couple of months. I must hone my skills for my upcoming mission in China.